Need advice/ help with an essay? *Please help*?

I'm writing an essay on the Crucible and was told, upon handing in the outline for the essay, that my topic sentences are ';awkward.'; Will you please read them over and tell me, a bit more specifically, what's wrong with them? Thanks a ton...





#1





Even when threatened with hanging, John Proctor persistently refuses all claims of witchcraft, thus proving his unfailing and consistent upholding of one doctrine even as things took a turn for the worse.





#2





It is evident that Proctor is “only human” and thus fully relatable to the audience because of the lapse of judgment that resulted in an affair with Abigail, a young woman who was hard for him to resist.





#3





John Proctor’s only fault, and the true reason for his death, is that he cares too deeply for his name and the legacy that he will leave for his children.








I can sort of see how the first sentence can be changed, but I honestly can't think of anything that's wrong with the other two. what's so awkward about them??Need advice/ help with an essay? *Please help*?
I think sentence 1 and 2 are too long, with too many clauses. I would break them up into two sentences each.





Like you, I see nothing wrong with the third sentence. Perhaps the comment was not specifically hat *all* your topic sentences were awkward, but just it was noted that some were?

moisturizing cream