Need Advice.Help!?

I have been with my husband for six years, and married for four. I really love him, but I am not sure If I am falling out of love with him.


He is a great person, but not very financially responsible. I have two jobs a basically take care of myself. I am kind of disappointed that he doesn't make any real effort to improve his/ours financial situation. He is a scientist, young and handsome.


I feel sometimes like I am the husband and not the wife, which really bothers me.


In addition, I don't really feel like having sex with him anymore. I DO have a sex drive but I just do not want to do it him.


I have found myself checking out other guys and even fantasizing with them.


It is horrible, as I do NOT want to cheat. He is a good person and doesn't deserve my betraying. But I am so unhappy, I don鈥檛 know if it is just a temp thing, or am I just tired of being with someone who has no ambitions and drags me along with him.


I do not want to blame him for my failures or my unhappiness. INeed Advice.Help!?
I think that he is not the problem.. by you not wanting to cheat on him shows that you do not want anyone else, although you may fantasise about them, this purely reflects that there is now an underlying problem in your relationship... You want to WANT your hubby again





So now that you know what the problem is (he isnt taking the dominant position in the relationship but is making you feel like the male instead which is obvious as to why it may turn you off, every woman wants their man to dominate, we are attracted to strength and power, and if he isnt doing this in other parts of the relationship then the excitement of being dominated in the bedroom is lost.) now you just need to solve it.





You need to take time to have a heart to heart with him and share your feelings... he cant do anything about it unless he knows whats going on in your mind.





You clearly still love him dearly and want to be with him. You just need that attraction back.Need Advice.Help!?
You can not change anyone but yourself. If you want to be successful and happy then only you can do that. What he is or does should not impede that and if it does, what do you need to do to change the situation?
You do not really say if your young, handsome, scientist is working or not but you indicate he has no ambition and that he hasn't got any financial responsibility. I get a feeling that he isn't working since you have two jobs and feel like the breadwinner (man, husband) in the family.





My ex worked and I stayed at home with our four children. He was very irresponsible with money and I was suppose to keep up with our finances, however, he would only give me part of his paycheck each time to work with and sometimes he would tell me he lost the money completely. It was impossible to pay all of the bills, buy food and clothing for the kids, and pay for any needed repairs or emergencies.





I would try to confront him about his irresponsible ways, not accusingly, just tried to get him to discuss our finances and he would run off instead. He had too many addictions to pay for to give me the check in full and let me give him an allowance. I was becoming less and less in love with him and sex seemed more like a chore than a pleasure.





You need to try to talk to your husband about these finances and what you need from him so that you are not the only one concerned about your future. Make a list of all your expenses....needs/wants/entertainment to show him how much you are spending and tell him what you want from life....home/car/kids/furniture/etc. (goals) so that he can get a better picture of what needs to change so that you can both accomplish those goals. If that doesn't work then perhaps asking him to take a class with you about personal finances would make him wake up and realize what needs to happen to make your marriage work better.





With so little information I can just tell you that if you remain in this marriage the way that it is you will continue to lose interest in him and the marriage will be rocky at the least, ruined at the most.





Thinking about other men is not the answer until you have tried to work things out with your husband. If you are going to leave him for someone else than you better leave him first instead of cheating.





My ex and I did not make it. There was a lot more problems than just finances and addictions. He is so indebted to his parents right now that he had to move back in with them to pay things off. He's 51 years old.





If your husband won't try to change you are really going to have to consider whether or not you want this in the end or not. Good Luck.
Most important thing in marriage is open communication. Talk to him about this just make sure you don't put him down while doing it. Maybe there is something going on with him that your over looking.
I am sure that you love your husband and it is very normal to have these feelings especially when you are going through stressful periods. I would advise you though not to harbour these thoughts because they will only lead you into more trouble with yourself emotionally and psychologically. the more you imagine these ';ideal'; situations with other men is the more you will be unhappy with your present situation. Your husband probably believe that everything is ok and as a result behaves the way he does. It would not be fair to keep all this hurt from him. He needs to get a real chance to redeem himself and you need to give that to him. I believe the best way to get things resolved is to have a talk with your husband....i mean really lay it on the table. I feel this way sometimes...well not the infidelity part....but that i am the man in the home because i am the only one that is working. It is stressful i know but then i realize that if i were in my husbands position he would do the same for me. Talk to him and tell him how you feel and see how things go.





With regards to the sexual part, i can bet that the reason you are feeling this way is because of the stress you are going through. When you guys resolve the situation you will be thanking yourself for not giving in to your thoughts.





All the best
marriage is not always great some times there are bad times times when you don't feel IN-love these are the times when your marriage is tested . . Money is not what makes a marriage you have to decide what is important to you and why you and your husband are not insync right now . . . .talk to him tell him how you are feeling . . .
Relatioships have ups and downs. Learn to focus on positive things because it sounds like there are some.
Houston Girl hang in there. You need to open up to him and let it all out. You have been married for 6 years and that seems like a time most of us married couples go through that hard period of life. We had our crisis at 6 yrs also. Hang in there and pull him aside and let him know how you really feel.Sure you don't feel like having sex with him now because you have issues with him. You love him and you need to stick with him and have him tell his side of the story. You may be doing such a great job at being a wife and a partner that he may not feel needed. Give the man another chance. Good luck girl. Hang in there.
the parts in which he's lacking in makes him uninteresting to you tell him to fix it or things will just get worse
Well, then don't blame him for your unhappiness, take your happiness into your own hands, if your unhappy with his financial maturity, say so, tell him how it makes you feel, and try to help him get to where your at. But even if that doens't work, don't let that drive you away from your husband, you seem like you a pretty decent yet imperfect husband, which is hard to come by. So think of another creative way to deal with the problem, for instance, you may have to live seperate but equal financial lives, which is perfectly normal in some households, this way he can blow his money without affecting you.( or as least as possible) but I say try to work on it together. bc that is what marriage is about.
it sounds like you two are intelligent, why not try counseling? make some goals for the relationship and then, if it doesn't work, after 6 months or so or whatever time limit, as reasonable people, you can say you tried. maybe he doesn't know how much it bothers you. but it may also be his disposition, he just may not be very ambitious. idk, you should talk to him about it. he's a scientist, use logic :) but i can understand your feelings completely, basically you are overworked and underfulfilled. ask him what his goals are, where he sees the two of you in two years - bigger house? house? any goals? maybe if you spark him, he might start to think bigger picture. it doesn't sound like he is your equal right now, that he is not contributing as much to the responsibilities of the relationship, may be another reason you want to stray, to have fun and play, get away from all the responsibility. he's not a man in your eyes right now and won't be until he starts pulling his weight and treating you like his woman.





i can only suggest counseling, and for you to take some of your hard earned money and have yourself a spa day. relax. maybe do it on a saturday and ask him to have the house cleaned and dinner ready when you get home, you've had a hard week and need to be pampered. does he live in his head a lot? if so, he may be one of those you have to spell out some of your needs, sometimes they don't pick up on things.





don't let him hold you back. if there are things you need to do, do them. he will either support you, or sulk. and that will really be your answer. as for the sex, i'm not sure, fantasize about the other men while having sex with him - is that better than cheating until things are worked out? porn?or just wait until it feels right.





he may be the kind of person who just floats along with no real ambition, you may be mismatched, but 6 years, has it always been this bad?
Ok, I was with my ex-wife for 7 years. Married for 4. The same thing happened with her. She just didn't love me anymore. Long story short... You should address your feelings with your husband. Anything less will just make it worse. I would try some counciling with a marriage counselor They will help address these problems in an effective way and possibly save a struggling marriage.





Marriage is meant between one man and one woman. So please do everything you can to save what you vowed to. We all have seasons and trials, but you owe it to yourself and to your husband to try to fix what is broken. Communication is the key to everything. Sorry to hear your struggles, but I have been there too. You'll make it through. Just communicate and do your part thats all you can do.
You should try to sit down with him and explain how you feel. Maybe if you bring it to his attention he will try to make the neccesary changes to make you happy.
Marriage is about taking the good with the bad and never giving up on your dreams. Communication is the biggest piece of the puzzle. The both of you have to be able and willing to talk about the problems that arise in your marriage. It is to easy to move on or cheat, its harder to stay and fight for something that u obviously wanted at one point in time in ur life.